Quote of the Day (2011-11-30)

Marge: Bart, would you like to say grace?

Bart: Yesum!

[Bart says grace in Latin]

Homer: What the hell was that?

Lisa: Bart's speaking Latin, the language of Plutarc.

Homer: [Homer looks blankly] Micky Mouse's dog?

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2011-11-29)

All right all right all right we'll kill him first and then have tea and biscuits.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2011-11-28)

It's a fine line between clever and stupid.

Source: This is Spinal Tap

Quote of the Day (2011-11-27)

"Boy, a month in Europe with Elaine. That guy's coming home in a body bag."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2011-11-26)

[Bart is faking illness to get out of a test he hasn't prepared for]

Bart: Ohhhh, my ovaries.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2011-11-25)

I feel happy... I feel happy. [whop]

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2011-11-24)

Tom Hanks: Hello, I'm Tom Hanks. The US Government has lost its credibility so it's borrowing some of mine.

Source: The Simpsons Movie

Quote of the Day (2011-11-23)

[the golf lesson]

Norton: First, you address the ball... hello, ball.

Source: The Honeymooners

Quote of the Day (2011-11-22)

"We're friends. If I'm going to be uncomfortable, you gotta be uncomfortable too!"

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2011-11-21)

Sir Humphrey: "If there had been investigations, which there haven't, or not necessarily, or I'm not at liberty to say whether there have, there would have been a project team which, had it existed, on which I cannot comment, which would now have disbanded, if it had existed, and the members returned to their original departments, if indeed there had been any such members."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2011-11-20)

It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound coconut.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2011-11-19)

[Holding the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch]

King Arthur: How does it... um... how does it work?

Sir Lancelot: I know not, my liege.

King Arthur: Consult the Book of Armaments.

Brother Maynard: Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.

Cleric: [reading] And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...

Brother Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother...

Cleric: And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

Brother Maynard: Amen.

All: Amen.

King Arthur: Right. One... two... five.

Galahad: Three, sir.

King Arthur: Three.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2011-11-18)

Tom Hanks: This is Tom Hanks saying, if you're gonna pick a government to trust, why not this one?

Source: The Simpsons Movie

Quote of the Day (2011-11-17)

Larry Lipton: I can't listen to that much Wagner, ya know? I start to get the urge to conquer Poland.

Source: Manhattan Murder Mystery

Quote of the Day (2011-11-16)

[Ralph and Norton are about to go to bed together when Ralph shows Norton a toothbrush]

Ralph Kramden: Norton?

Ed Norton: What?

Ralph Kramden: Did you use my toothbrush?

Ed Norton: I dunno.

Ralph Kramden: What do you mean you don't know?

Ed Norton: Well, you got a red toothbrush and I got a red toothbrush. They was layin' side by side and I didn't know which was which, so I just went, "Eeeny, meeny, miney, mo."

Ralph Kramden: [holds up toothbrush] Is this Mo?

Ed Norton: [looks at toothbrush] Yep, that's Mo all right.

Ralph Kramden: Well, for your information, Mo happens to be *my* toothbrush.

Ed Norton: Oh, I was wonderin' why there was somethin' familiar about Miney.

Source: The Honeymooners

Quote of the Day (2011-11-15)

Jim Hacker: "I have made a policy decision. I am going to do something about the number of women in the Civil Service."

Sir Humphrey: "Surely there aren't all that many?"

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2011-11-14)

Sir Humphrey: "The Special Branch has reason to believe that the threat to your life has been diminished."

Jim Hacker: "How do they know?"

Sir Humphrey: "Surveillance. They overheard a conversation."

Jim Hacker: "What did it say?"

Sir Humphrey: "Oh, I don't think it is of any..."

Jim Hacker: "Come on Humphrey, I have a right to know!"

Sir Humphrey: "Well it was a conversation to the effect that, in view of the somewhat nebulous and inexplicit nature of your remit, and the arguably marginal and peripheral nature of your influence on the central deliberations and decisions within the political process, there could be a case for restructuring their action priorities in such a way as to eliminate your liquidation from their immediate agenda."

Jim Hacker: "They said that??"

Sir Humphrey: "That was the gist of it."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2011-11-13)

Follow! But! follow only if ye be men of valor, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of four fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty big pointy teeth.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2011-11-12)

Tyler Durden: [pointing at an emergency instruction manual on a plane] You know why they put oxygen masks on planes?

Narrator: So you can breath.

Tyler Durden: Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you're taking giant panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile. You accept your fate. It's all right here. Emergency water landing - 600 miles an hour. Blank faces, calm as Hindu cows.

Narrator: That's, um... That's an interesting theory.

Source: Fight Club

Quote of the Day (2011-11-11)

Hansel: I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.

Source: Zoolander

Quote of the Day (2011-11-10)

ARTHUR: Please, please good people. I am in haste. What knight lives in that castle?

OLD WOMAN: No one live there.

ARTHUR: Well, who is your lord?

OLD WOMAN: We don't have a lord.

ARTHUR: What?

DENNIS: I told you, We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune, we take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.

ARTHUR: Yes.

DENNIS: ... But all the decision of that officer ...

ARTHUR: Yes, I see.

DENNIS: ... must be approved at a bi-weekly meeting by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs.

ARTHUR: Be quiet!

DENNIS: ... but a two-thirds majority ...

ARTHUR: Be quiet! I order you to shut up.

OLD WOMAN: Order, eh -- who does he think he is?

ARTHUR: I am your king!

OLD WOMAN: Well, I didn't vote for you.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2011-11-09)

Matthias: Look, I don't think it should be a sin, just for saying "Jehovah".

[Everyone gasps]

Jewish Official: You're only making it worse for yourself!

Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!

Jewish Official: I'm warning you! If you say "Jehovah" one more time (gets hit with rock) RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it?

Stoners: She did! She did! (suddenly speaking as men) He! He did! He!

Jewish Official: Was it you?

Stoner: Yes.

Jewish Official: Right...

Stoner: Well you did say "Jehovah. "

[Crowd throws rocks at the stoner]

Jewish Official: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! All right, no one is to stone _anyone_ until I blow this whistle. Even... and I want to make this absolutely clear... even if they do say, "Jehovah. "

[Crowd stones the Jewish Official to death]

Source: Life of Brian

Quote of the Day (2011-11-08)

Sir Humphrey: "So we trust you to make sure that your Minister does nothing incisive or divisive over the next few weeks."

Sir Arnold: "Avoids anything controversial."

Sir Humphrey: "Expresses no firm opinion about anything at all. Now, is that quite clear?"

Bernard Woolley: "Yes, well, I think that is probably what he was planning to do anyway."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2011-11-07)

Inigo Montoya: Hello there. Slow going?

Man in Black: Look, I don't mean to be rude but this is not as easy as it looks, so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't distract me.

Inigo Montoya: [apologetic] Sorry.

Man in Black: Thank you.

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2011-11-06)

Where's your Christmas spirit? An eye for an eye.

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2011-11-05)

Niles: Her lips said no, but her eyes said read my lips.

Source: Frasier

Quote of the Day (2011-11-04)

Your kids don't need to know who you were before you had them. They need to know who you wish you were and they need to try to live up to that person. They're gonna fall short, but better to fall short of the fake you than the real you.

Source: Modern Family

Quote of the Day (2011-11-03)

Stop marching. You're dancing, not invading Poland.

Source: Modern Family

Quote of the Day (2011-11-02)

Sylvie: It is infuriating that your unhappiness does not turn to fat!

Source: Charade

Quote of the Day (2011-11-01)

I read the news today oh, boy

Four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire

And though the holes were rather small

They had to count them all

Now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall



Source: John Lennon